Utilitarianism: Trying to Predict the Future Like a Mind-Reading Superhero 🎯

3 min read

When it comes to ethical theories, utilitarianism is the classic “do-gooder” philosophy. Founded by Jeremy Bentham and later expanded by John Stuart Mill, this moral framework suggests that the right thing to do is the action that maximizes overall happiness (or "utility") for the greatest number of people. It’s a simple, straightforward equation: more good, less harm = moral success!

Utilitarianism argues that the moral worth of an action is determined by its contribution to overall happiness. The goal is to generate the greatest good for the greatest number. Bentham was big on this idea, believing that human beings are pleasure-seeking, pain-avoiding creatures, and morality should be based on this natural tendency.

And this is where the famous image of Bentham and the pig comes into play. This humorous take stems from one of the major criticisms of Jeremy Bentham's version of utilitarianism, which focuses purely on maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain. The punchline usually involves something like, "According to Bentham, if a pig's life is more pleasurable than yours, it’s more moral to be the pig." Here’s the philosophical backstory:

Bentham's utilitarianism treats all pleasures as more or less equal—whether you're enjoying a philosophical debate or scarfing down a cheeseburger, it’s all just pleasure. Critics, including John Stuart Mill, found this troubling. Mill famously said, "It is better to be a human dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied." His point was that there are higher (intellectual, moral) and lower (sensory, base) pleasures, and we should value the former more. Mill was afraid that if we follow Bentham’s original logic, it might lead to a world where we’re no better than pleasure-chasing pigs, satisfied with base instincts but missing out on the richness of human thought and experience.

So Mill basically made a slight upgrade to the system by adding quality to the mix. He wasn’t just about quantity—like how much happiness you generate—but also the kind of happiness. For instance, he believed intellectual pleasures (think: philosophy, reading, solving puzzles) were superior to purely physical pleasures (eating ice cream, lounging on the couch). So, it’s not just about racking up points in the "happiness column" but also considering the nature of that happiness.

Now, onto the fun part—poking holes in utilitarianism! While the theory sounds great in theory, the real-world application often gets messy. Here’s why:

  1. Predicting the Future (A.k.a. the Psychic Problem):
    As the meme implies, utilitarianism assumes that we can predict the consequences of our actions with some degree of certainty. But let’s be real, even with the best intentions, we’re terrible at foreseeing every ripple effect. Remember that time you thought a surprise party would cheer your friend up, but they ended up having a panic attack because of the unexpected crowd? Yeah, utilitarianism didn’t see that coming either.
  2. The “Trolley Problem” Effect:
    Utilitarians are often faced with dilemmas like the classic trolley problem: Would you pull a lever to divert a runaway trolley to save five people, even if it means killing one person on the other track? The math says "yes," but something feels off. There’s a certain discomfort in making moral choices that treat individuals as mere numbers in a spreadsheet. Utilitarianism, critics argue, can lead to morally troubling scenarios where minority rights or individual dignity are trampled for the sake of the greater good.
  3. Whose Happiness Matters More?:
    Mill tried to solve this by distinguishing higher and lower pleasures, but in practice, deciding whose happiness “counts” more is complicated. Is the happiness of an Olympic athlete more valuable than that of someone who finds joy in binge-watching Netflix? What if someone finds joy in harmful actions like bullying? Utilitarianism doesn’t always offer a clear way to weigh these differences.
  4. It Can Be Paralytic:
    Ever had a decision to make, but found yourself paralyzed by too many options? Welcome to the life of a utilitarian. The sheer complexity of figuring out which action will maximize overall happiness can sometimes lead to indecision. Should you donate to this charity or that one? Should you spend your time volunteering or researching ways to combat climate change? Sometimes, in trying to do the most good, we do... well, nothing.

So can we agree with the following? At the end of the day, any ethical system has to be something people can actually use in their everyday lives. However, we can't perfectly predict outcomes, nor do we have the time to do a cost-benefit analysis for every single decision we make, whether it's choosing a career or choosing a pizza topping (unless you’re picking pineapple—that’s an ethics violation).

The real challenge is balancing the theory’s noble pursuit of happiness with the practicalities of daily human life. Ethics should guide us in making better decisions, not overwhelm us with mental gymnastics.

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