Gifts for Philosophers: What to Give Someone Who Has Already Read Everything
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Time to read 11 min
Questions answered in this post
What can you give a philosopher for Christmas?
Should you buy a philosopher a book?
What is a good gift for a philosophy student, teacher or professor?
What if I don't know their size?
Will it arrive before Christmas, and will I pay customs?
Last updated: November 9, 2026
I studied philosophy, and now I sell shirts with philosophy jokes on them, which my old professors would probably file under applied ethics. Every December the same question lands in our inbox: what on earth do you get a philosopher?
Fair question. We're hard to buy for. We've read the books, we have views on the translations, and some of us have read enough Diogenes to feel faintly guilty about owning anything at all. When Alexander the Great offered Diogenes any favour he wanted, Diogenes asked him to move, because he was blocking the sun. You'll find the story in Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers 6.38, and it makes a better warning than a shopping list.
Below is what I'd be happy to unwrap myself, plus what customers tell us went down well. Everything comes from our own shop, The Philosopher's Shirt. I put the first designs online in 2016 to find out whether philosophy could pay the rent. Since 2018 my business partner Alex, a graphic designer, has been turning my half-finished puns into designs people actually want to wear (the longer story is on our About page). I explain the joke behind each design, so you never hand over a shirt you can't explain.
Why I'd think twice before buying a philosopher a book
A book looks like the safe bet, and that's the trouble: they had the same idea years ago. People who read Kant for fun already own the classics, sometimes in two translations. When they want a particular title, they order the edition they trust, with the translator and footnotes they like. Give someone Thus Spoke Zarathustra and you may get a very polite lecture on how this translation mangles "Übermensch".
There are exceptions. A first edition, a signed copy or the exact book they mentioned last week is a real gift, because it proves you were listening. Hold on to that idea for the rest of this page, since it works for mugs and shirts as well. The best present for a philosopher shows you know what they actually think about.
If you'd still like to stay near the bookshelf, send them our post on where beginners should start with philosophy and let them choose.
Don't know their size? Get a mug
A mug can't be the wrong size, and it ends up on the desk where the thinking happens, which is more than most presents can claim. Ours are glossy ceramic, printed when you order, in 325 ml or 445 ml. These five sell best.
Forever Carl Gustav Jung - Mug shows Jung in black and white inside a dark oval. Leave out the Christmas designs and no mug in our range has sold more, which tells you something about our customers' collective unconscious.
On the Pink Freud - The Dark Side Of Your Mom - Mug, a beam of light goes into Freud's head and comes out as a rainbow. The tagline heads straight for his favourite subject, your mother.
Born To Philosophise Forced To Work - Mug puts Raphael's School of Athens between two columns, framed by a career summary that plenty of philosophy graduates with a nine-to-five will recognise. I spent several years in marketing agencies after my degree, so I'm in no position to laugh.
The Schopenhauer - I Had Fun Once - It Sucked - Mug has a grim Schopenhauer on torn black paper, with the title in typewriter type. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy sums up his view of life as an "oscillation between pain and boredom", so the mug is barely exaggerating.
And then there's Kant touch this - Mug, with Kant in red sunglasses. If someone made it through the Critique of Pure Reason, they've earned a cheap pun.
Shirts they'll actually wear
A good philosophy shirt works like a password. Most people walk past it. Then one person stops, laughs and asks what it means, and that little moment is why this shop exists. The six shirts below have sold steadily for years. Most designs come in S to 3XL, and a few, such as Jung and Think Outside The Box, go up to 5XL.
Forever Carl Gustav Jung - Unisex Classic T-Shirt has been one of our best sellers for years. Jung sits in black and white above the words "Forever Carl Gustav Jung". Give it to the friend who has an archetype ready for everyone at the table.
On the Sisyphus in Ouroboros - Unisex Classic T-Shirt, a white line drawing of the snake eating its own tail has Sisyphus rolling his boulder around the inside of the loop. If they want the argument behind it, our post Is Sisyphus truly happy? explains why Camus thought he was.
The Pink Freud - The Dark Side Of Your Mom - Unisex Classic T-Shirt puts the mug's design on a black tee. Psychology students have heard every mother joke there is and still want one more.
Think Outside The Box - Unisex Classic T-Shirt is a red square with the word THINK sitting just outside it. It takes the idiom literally, and most people need a second look before they get it.
In Aristotle and Plato with Basketballs - Unisex Classic T-Shirt, Raphael's Plato spins a basketball on the finger that points to the heavens, while Aristotle dribbles his toward the ground. Our post on the School of Athens has the story behind the two gestures.
Existential Crisis Club - Lifetime Member - Unisex Classic T-Shirt shows a skull still life inside a round club badge. Joining is free, and as far as we know nobody has ever managed to leave.
Gifts for Stoics, Nietzsche fans and existentialists
If you know which philosopher they never stop quoting, buy for that one. It shows you were listening at dinner, even the third time they explained the eternal recurrence.
A Stoic will get Virtue over Victory - Embroidered - Unisex Classic T-Shirt straight away. It's two words with an embroidered "greater than" sign between them. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy lists "virtue is the only good" among the core Stoic claims, which makes winning optional. The design also comes as a sweatshirt, hoodie and cap.
Nietzsche fans have Friedrich Nietzsche: I am Dynamite - Unisex Classic T-Shirt, where Nietzsche holds a lit stick of dynamite in place of his cigar. The line comes from the last chapter of Ecce Homo, his late autobiography, where he writes "I am not a man, I am dynamite" (Ludovici translation). You can also get it as a mug, sweatshirt or hoodie.
For an existentialist, try the Sisyphus To Infinity - Mug, with Sisyphus pushing his boulder up an infinity sign, or the Existential Crisis Club hoodie. Both suit someone who answers "how are you?" with a question about authenticity.
If they're a Kantian, Kant touch this comes as a shirt, a sweatshirt or a sticker. Ideal if they once defended the categorical imperative at a party and lost a friend over it.
Christmas designs without the cheese
Most Christmas sweaters feature reindeer. Ours feature Camus, Descartes and a thoroughly fed-up Kant, which is roughly how many of us feel by late December. One Nietzsche design let the reindeer in anyway. The newer designs come in S to 2XL and the older ones go up to 5XL, so check the size list on the product page.
On the Santa Sisyphus - Sweatshirt, Santa shoves a giant wrapped present up a snowy mountain under the line "We must imagine Santa jolly". It's Camus' happy Sisyphus with a delivery deadline.
Last Christmas I Gave You Descartes - Sweatshirt puts Descartes in a Santa hat on a red sweatshirt. Give it on the 24th and see whether they doubt it exists by the 26th.
The Existential Christmas Club - Sweatshirt squeezes around thirty thinkers into one group portrait, marble busts and bespectacled twentieth-century faces alike, every one of them in a Santa hat. It's also the banner at the top of this page.
Nietzsche - Beyond naughty and nice - Sweatshirt sets two Nietzsche portraits facing each other on an ugly-sweater pattern of reindeer, bells and snowflakes. Call it Beyond Good and Evil, revised for Santa's list.
The I Kant even this Season - Mug has Kant dressed as Santa, wrapped in fairy lights, arms firmly crossed. Every family has a relative who has had enough by the 23rd, and this one is theirs.
Framed canvas prints of philosophy's famous paintings
For a bigger present that stays on the wall for years, we reproduce the paintings philosophy readers already know from their textbook covers. They arrive framed and ready to hang, in a black or white frame, at 46 x 61 cm or 61 x 91 cm. Being and Becoming comes as a square print.
School of Athens - Framed Canvas is Raphael's fresco from the Vatican, with Plato and Aristotle at the centre.
The Death of Socrates - Framed Canvas reproduces Jacques-Louis David's 1787 painting of Socrates reaching for the cup.
Alexander and Diogenes - Framed Canvas brings back the story from the start of this page. Alexander, in armour and a red cloak, offers Diogenes a favour, and Diogenes asks him to get out of his sun. It might be the one gift Diogenes would have accepted, since it's a picture of him turning one down.
Death of Seneca - Framed Canvas belongs on the wall of a Stoic who takes the memento mori part seriously.
Being and Becoming - Framed Canvas is a painting split down the middle. On one side a river pours through a Greek valley, on the other crystals, spirals and a sundial fill the space. We read it as Parmenides against Heraclitus on whether anything really changes.
All five are in our framed canvas prints collection.
Gifts for philosophy students, teachers and professors
Philosophy students live on coffee and secondhand paperbacks. I was one long enough to know. A mug plus the Existentialism Set sticker sheet (four stickers, the Existential Crisis Club badge among them) makes a small present that will be on a laptop lid by the next seminar. A final-year student who has started reading job ads will get Born To Philosophise Forced To Work immediately.
Teachers like a gift that needs no explanation in the staff room but still makes one colleague grin. The Kant touch this mug or I Kant even this Season both manage that.
Professors own every book you could name. Quite a few of them buy from us themselves, which we count as peer review. A framed School of Athens or Death of Socrates for the office tends to get visitors asking about it. On a smaller budget, the Aristotle and Plato with Basketballs shirt shows you were awake for the lecture on Raphael.
Still unsure? Get the gift card
Torn between Jung and the Stoics, or no idea what size they wear? The gift card lets them pick. It comes in several values and arrives by email within minutes, so once the delivery dates below have passed, it's your safest bet.
Our Christmas bundle, until 20 December 2026
Until 20 December 2026, buy any hoodie or sweatshirt and you get one T-shirt at 50% off. That's one tee per hoodie or sweatshirt, and the discount comes off automatically at checkout, so there's nothing to type in.
Buying several shirts instead? From four shirts upward, our quantity discount saves you more than the bundle. You don't have to do the maths, because the cart always applies whichever discount is better for you. If the present has to be under the tree, keep the delivery dates below in mind.
Will it arrive in time? Delivery, customs, sizes and returns
We print every product after you order, which takes 2 to 4 working days, and most orders then arrive within 5 to 10 days. We produce and ship locally to keep customs fees out of the picture, from the EU for European orders and from the US, Canada, the UK and Australia for orders there.
Order by these dates for delivery before Christmas:
| Region | Order by |
|---|---|
| Europe | 7 December* |
| USA | 11 December |
| Canada | 14 December |
| UK | 16 December |
*Within Europe the date depends on the destination country, but 7 December is safe everywhere. These are our carriers' estimates, so we can't guarantee exact delivery days.
Not sure your order will make it, or ordering from somewhere else? Write to [email protected] before you order and we'll give you an honest answer. Ordering early helps everyone, the carriers in their busiest weeks included.
Orders from the EU, the UK, North America, Australia, New Zealand and Japan arrive with no customs fees. Shipping is free over $80 / 70€ / £60 (or the equivalent in any other currency), calculated after your discount. To send the present straight to them, enter their address as the shipping address at checkout and your own as the billing address.
Our size charts list measurements for every product. Depending on the design, shirts and sweatshirts go up to 2XL, 3XL or 5XL, and each product page shows which. If you're unsure, go one size up or pick a mug. You have 30 days from delivery to return an item, and return shipping is paid by you unless the item arrived damaged.
Customers rate us 4.89 out of 5 across 1,605 reviews. If you have something special in mind, we also make custom designs on request. Write to [email protected] and one of us will answer, a person and not a call centre.
One last thought on giving
Derrida spent a good part of a book, Given Time (1991), arguing that a true gift is impossible. The moment someone recognises it as a gift, they feel they owe you something back, and the gift turns into an exchange. I wouldn't let that stop you. Just don't tell them what it cost.
And if the philosopher on your list is a Stoic, our post on why Silicon Valley keeps getting Stoicism wrong gives you something to argue about over Christmas dinner.
Summary
Philosophers usually own the books already, so give them something that shows you know what they think about. A mug is the option with no size to get wrong.
Until 20 December 2026, any hoodie or sweatshirt gets you one T-shirt at 50% off, applied automatically at checkout.
Order by 7 December for Europe and 11 December for the US, or email us first if you're unsure.
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