Gifts for Philosophers: What to Give Someone Who Has Already Read Everything

Last updated: November 7, 2026

I studied philosophy, and I run a shop that prints philosophy jokes on shirts. Every year before Christmas, our customers ask us the same question: what do you give a philosopher?

The honest answer is that we are hard to buy for. We have read the books, we have opinions about the translations, and some of us have read just enough Diogenes to feel slightly guilty about owning things at all. When Alexander the Great offered Diogenes any favour he liked, Diogenes asked him to stand out of his sunlight. The story is in Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers 6.38, and it is less a gift guide than a warning.

So here is what I would actually like to unwrap, and what our customers tell us goes down well. Everything on this page comes from our own shop, The Philosopher's Shirt. I put the first designs online in 2016 to find out whether you can make a living with philosophy, and since 2018 my business partner Alex, a graphic designer, has turned my half-finished puns into designs people want to wear (the longer story is on our About page). For each design I explain the joke, so you know what you are giving before you give it.

Why I Would Think Twice Before Buying a Philosopher a Book

A book feels like the safe choice, and that is exactly the problem: they had the same idea, earlier. People who read Kant voluntarily usually own the classics already, sometimes in two translations, and if they want a particular title they will order the edition they trust, with the translator and the footnotes they prefer. Give someone Thus Spoke Zarathustra and you may get a very polite lecture on why this translation mangles "Übermensch".

There are exceptions. A first edition, a signed copy or the exact book they mentioned last week is a real gift, because it shows you were listening. That is the whole secret, and it applies to everything else on this page: a good gift for a philosopher proves you paid attention to what they actually think about.

If you still want to stay close to books, send them our post on where beginners should start with philosophy and let them pick.

Not Sure About Their Size? Get the Mug

A mug cannot be the wrong size, and it ends up on the desk where the thinking happens, which is more than most presents manage. Ours are glossy ceramic, printed when you order, in 325 ml or 445 ml. These five sell best:

• Forever Carl Gustav Jung - Mug. Jung in black and white inside a dark oval, for people with opinions about archetypes. Apart from the Christmas designs, no mug in our range has sold more.
• Pink Freud - The Dark Side Of Your Mom - Mug. A beam of light goes into Freud's head and comes out as a rainbow, and the tagline brings up his favourite subject: your mother.
• Born To Philosophise Forced To Work - Mug. Raphael's School of Athens between two columns, framed by a career summary that many philosophy graduates with a nine-to-five will recognise. I spent several years in marketing agencies after my degree, so I recognise it too.
• Schopenhauer - I Had Fun Once - It Sucked - Mug. A grim Schopenhauer on torn black paper, the title in typewriter type. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy sums up his view of life as an "oscillation between pain and boredom", so the mug barely exaggerates.
• Kant touch this - Mug. Kant in red sunglasses, for anyone who survived the Critique of Pure Reason and has earned a cheap pun.

Gifts for Philosophy Students, Teachers and Professors

Who the gift is for changes what works, so here is the short version.

Philosophy students live on coffee and secondhand paperbacks. I was one long enough to know. A mug plus the Existentialism Set sticker sheet (four stickers, including the Existential Crisis Club badge) is a small gift that will be on a laptop lid by the next seminar. Born To Philosophise Forced To Work suits the final-year student who has started reading job ads.

Philosophy teachers like a gift that needs no explanation in the staff room but makes one colleague grin. The Kant touch this mug or I Kant even this Season does that.

Philosophy professors own every book you could think of. Quite a few of them buy from us themselves, which we count as peer review. A framed School of Athens or Death of Socrates for the office is the kind of gift visitors ask about. On a smaller budget, the Aristotle and Plato with Basketballs shirt shows you paid attention in the lecture on Raphael.

Still Unsure? The Gift Card

If you cannot decide between Jung and the Stoics, or you do not know their size, the gift card lets them choose. It comes in several values and, according to the product page, arrives by email within minutes. When the delivery dates below have passed, it is the safe choice.

Our Christmas Bundle, Until 20 December 2026

While we are at it: until 20 December 2026, buy any hoodie or sweatshirt and you get one T-shirt at 50% off. It is one tee per hoodie or sweatshirt, and the discount is applied automatically at checkout, no code needed.

Buying several shirts instead? From four shirts, our quantity discount saves you more than the bundle. You don't have to do the maths: the cart always applies whichever discount saves you more. Free shipping still applies over $80 / 70€ / £60 (equivalent in all other currencies), calculated after your discount. If the present has to be under the tree, keep the delivery dates below in mind.

Will It Arrive in Time? Delivery, Customs, Sizes and Returns

We print every product after you order, which takes 2 to 4 working days, and according to our shipping policy most orders then arrive within 5 to 10 days. To keep customs fees out of the picture, we produce and ship locally: from the EU for European orders, and from the US, Canada, the UK and Australia for orders there.

Order by these dates for delivery before Christmas:

*Within Europe the date varies by destination country, but 7 December is safe everywhere. These are our carriers' estimates, so we can't guarantee exact delivery days.

Not sure whether your order will make it, or ordering from somewhere else? Write to us at [email protected] before you order and we will tell you honestly. Either way, the earlier you order, the better for everyone involved: for you, for the carriers in their busiest weeks, and for the person waiting for their present.

• Customs: no customs fees for orders from the EU, the UK, North America, Australia, New Zealand and Japan, as stated in our shipping policy.
• Free shipping: over $80 / 70€ / £60 (equivalent in all other currencies).
• Ship it straight to them: at checkout, enter the recipient's address as the shipping address and your own as the billing address.
• Sizes: our size charts list measurements for every product. Depending on the design, shirts and sweatshirts go up to 2XL, 3XL or 5XL, and each product page shows which. If you are unsure, go one size up or pick a mug.
• Returns: you have 30 days from delivery to return an item, as set out in our refund policy. Return shipping is paid by the customer unless the item arrived damaged.
• Reviews: 4.89 out of 5 from 1,605 customer reviews.
• Something special in mind? We also make custom designs on request. Write to [email protected], and one of us will answer, not a call centre.

One Last Thought on Giving

Derrida spent a good part of a book, Given Time (1991), arguing that a true gift is impossible: the moment someone recognises it as a gift, they feel they owe you something back, and the gift turns into an exchange. I would not let that stop you. Just don't tell them what it cost.

And if the philosopher on your list is a Stoic, our post on why Silicon Valley keeps getting Stoicism wrong gives you something to talk about over Christmas dinner.